MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

Hello everyone, welcome back to my blog!!

Today I’m explaining my story I didn’t know if I wanted to write it in here and expose it to everyone but I find that it may be helpful to somebody that has been experiencing the same as me.  It also makes me feel relieved now that I make it like official.

My las year of high school was the worst year in my life. I know it was going to be hard, that I had to study a lot, that there was pressure, lot of exams and that it was just the end of a stage. Somehow I didn’t expect the mental breakdown that I was going to suffer during that year.

First of all I have to mention that the previous year I was doing maths and economics type of course and It was really good, I had everything excellent but I got a six in maths. The nightmare started there, when I panicked in every math exam, when I couldn’t see anything but only my tears and afterwards a fail mark on the exam. I got really anxious on those moments and also I had to add the presure to know what did I want to study for university. Everything was so mad but at the end of that year I made a great decision for my health that was changing the type of course. Instead of maths and economics I would take greek, latin and literature, something I was good at. So during the summer I pushed myself to study everything that my latin and greek classmates had learnt in a year, and I was also taking an intensive french course in Barcelona. It was fine I did well until I started the last year and I freaked out.

Somehow with hard work I got a 10 in both subjects after a long hours of crying and non sleeping. I didn’t have a week without exams, I can’t tell you now how many exams I took but every day I had one or two of these subject and then adding the common subjects like history, spanish, etc. I was going nuts and thats when I started to have anxiety because I was also expecting a high final grade to be able to enter to a good uni and study whatever I wanted. I’ve always been a demanding person with everything but too much with myself. So I was pushing me to a certain level that I was crying every day of the year and treating bad to people who were near to me because I was fussy.

Besides of a high level of anxiety I had to add the end of a friendship. I started to feel depressed when I lost my best-friend without any reasons coming from her. She just stopped talking to me and everyone else in her cirlce did the same thing. I felt like crap as you can expect. However I still had male friends that had always been by my side but girls you know that girl friends are needed as well. I couldn’t explain my personal things to her, my experiences or to just take a coffee and talk about nonsense. I was swallowing all the good and bad things in my life and I couldn’t tell anyone because no one reached that level of confidence as she did or the others. I felt unloved, lonely, not worth of anything, that I was going to fail in life, that anything that I did or that I was doing was right, that I couldn’t have a great final mark, that I was going to fail that exam and the next one until the end and a whole of negative stories in my mind. That in your heart you know aren’t true because I have my parents and my boyfriend that love me but depression and anxiety lies and it’s just toxic thoughts that eat you and you can not always control. I even reached the level of wanting to end my existence for a few days and that’s when I looked for help, until now. This is another topic to talk about but some people have the misconception that people who commit suicide aren’t brave, that’s not true. I don’t wish to anybody the pain that a person has to go through until that person decides to end their lifes.

Health is the most important thing in life and then love, specially self-love. Eveything else is secondary. That’s what I’m trying to learn and everything has improved since the end of the year when I finally got what I had been working for: a 9’10 of the final mark. I still had to listen negative comments about jealous people saying that my type of course was easy and everone could have that mark with those bunch of exams. I can just laugh. Now I’m starting to be myself again and appreciate everything and just take care of me and everyone around me that was hurt by my bad times. I’ts been a hell of experience but I survived and you can too. So if you feel in a situation like a lot of negative thoughts invide your daily life, search for help there’s nothing wrong about it, you don’t have to tell anyone but make sure to be safe. That’s why I refuged myself in this blog and discovered the Law of Attraction, healthy meals, and just positive things to do and learn in life. That’s why I pushed myself to get not one job but two jobs besides my blog. To not think.

Life is beautiful (big cliche but so true), and you’re loved. Remember that, and everything gets better with time. I will keep fighting to get good marks at uni but my health and love is in the first place, above everything else. I feel sooo grateful for my parents they’re everything to me and also for my boyfriend who has been supporting me and helping me all the way with a lot of hughs and love and also my true friends that had always makes me smile when I needed. Everything gets better if you wish so, because you find a way.

To take something good from this loong story I will sum up some tips for people who will be in this year and wants to have great grades and just survive through the experience of the last year:

  • Organize your time with: to do lists and weekly timetables with every hour of the day. This has worked for me the best. When you write everything you have to do in a day, you’re just focused on doing that work. And when you check it after doing it, it gives you a kind of satisfaction. And also timetables, and I say weekly because I don’t belive in organizing the whole month (you will feel anxious with a lot of the things that you have to do). So every Sunday I prepared a huge timetable with every hour of the day with the things I needed to do and the important exams and events.
  • Join study groups. Stop being all alone in your desk. You’re all going to do the same university entrance exam so study in group because maybe that girl knows what you don’t know and vice-versa. Show what you know by helping other classmates and they will explain you what you don’t understand.
  • Focus on the important. If you don’t watch the new Pretty Little Liars episode you are not going to die, you can watch it when you finish. The same with the phone, when you’re doing the timetable make sure you add some breaks of half an hour or an hour to check the phone, get out and just chill.
  • Don’t wait until the last week. I know people who says that work better if they are under pressure but… they don’t get the best results. Plan ahead and start to study weeks before.
  • Relax. I know it’s hard you know my story so…it’s not going to be that bad and I still managed to have the highest grades of my school generation. Grades aren’t everything, your health comes first. And if you want something but this way is not possible, there are are other ways to get it.

And some other tips for people who is suffering some kind of pain as I did:

  • Know that is temporary. It’s tiring and you don’t really want to be in this situation. Know that, realize that this isn’t healthy and think about people who truly loves you, you don’t want to hurt them right? So don’t do any crazy things, look for help and you will get over it.
  • Reach help. There’s nothing wrong with therapy or you can talk to some teachers that you have a lot of confidence like I did and also your parents or some friends. If you truly need a professional don’t hesitate in talking to your teachers because there’s usually one in your school or a private one in your town.
  • Write your feelings in a journal so you can later analize what are your automatic thoughts and at night you will see that the level of intensity is not the same, is not a big deal what was causing you sadness. You will feel lighter after.
  • Focus on the positive. A lot of people say that and it’s soooo hard but if you’re truly wanting to change your situation, YOU are the one that can only do it. Write some daily affirmations in a paper: I’m enough, I’m pretty, I’m succesful, I’m loved, I can do anything that I want, I can afford everything I want… Looks silly right? It’s not. Fake it and then you will believe in it. That’s how I learnt about the Law Of Attraction and the huge importance of the power of the mind and the self love. “I have the freedom and power to create the life I desire”

I can’t find any other tips to help you but only offer myself to read your situation on the comment sections that are anonimous, or just contact me via e-mail and I will talk about you with any problem at all.

Thanks for reading and I send you a lot of love,

Carmen.

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